her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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