you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
