First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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