oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
