dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
