I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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