All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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