Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
