Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
