how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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