yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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