No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
