physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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