now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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