I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
