I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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