im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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