chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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