Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
