You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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