Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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