I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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