Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
