So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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