Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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