Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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