My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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