Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
