he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's never too late to be topless.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
