Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
