my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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