hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
