if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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