Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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