I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
