He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you inspire me to be a worse person
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
