She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
