I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize