I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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