the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
