I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize