um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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