I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
