I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
