I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
