If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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