I think my fart just growled at me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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