Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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