Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
