i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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