God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
