On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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