I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
