Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
