Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
