But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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