There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
