Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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