i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
how does that bad decision feel?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
