I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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