My cat gives me a boner
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
