i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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